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happilyever_now Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "happilyever_now" journal:

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October 14th, 2010
02:19 pm

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...
i love that i got this lj with every intention of using it a ton.. and i never write in it. haha... i started feeling whiney.. but that was kind of the point of me getting it.. to whine and get out my ish..why i'm here now..

hanging out with guys can be so discouraging sometimes. i mean, they're guys.. they're designed one way. they can't help it. but hearing everything they like about girls physically.. and looking at myself and knowing i'm not like that. i mean.. i like my body, but the majority of guys aren't a fan.. they like the perfect, hollywood body type.. the kind you can buy. haha. i'm a pear myself.. and proud. :]

all i can do is be confident. guys like confidence.. and i have enough. :p i'm not cocky, but i know i'm a catch. i don't want to settle... i also realized something the other day.. i always like jerks. classic jerks that end up talking down to me. i can't like a guy whose biggest flaw is that he's too annoying, or show off-y.. nope. i have to go for the guy who's going to call me dumb and fuss at me IN PUBLIC! curse at me IN PUBLIC!! in private is one thing [not okay, but more easily resolved.. and their quicker to apologize, cause it's not so much of a pride thing], but in front of others.. it's so belittling. and it hurts. and they don't care. "I told you i was a dick." ..that's their best excuse. ugh.

i'm not looking for a guy. he can look for me. and i won't settle..

my current plan: get over this douche i'm developing real feelings for. he has nothing better to do than drink, fuss, and talk about girls/sex... i don't need this. don't need him.

i figured out a long time ago that i can't change anyone. and i gave up trying. so i'm not going to get with someone that needs MAJOR fixing.. everyone has problems, but some people have problems that they really need to fix before they can be with someone else. they're the ones i'm going to avoid.

i feel good at the moment. woo!

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August 30th, 2010
10:48 am

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Writer's Block: Redo
If there was something you could change about your past, what would it be?

ahh. notta thing. xD

sure, bad stuff happened.. and it would have been great if i didn't have to suffer, when i did. but everything i've gone through has led me to where i am now.. and taught me amazing lessons.. and helped make me who i am. cliche kinna answer, i know. but it's true. woot

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August 23rd, 2010
12:38 pm

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Writer's Block: It's allergies ... really!
What was the last thing that made you cry?

oh my.. well hung out with an amazing guy over the weekend.. whom i was seeing until he changed his mind cause he still has feelings for his ex.. but he doesn't want to be with her.. and he does still have some feelings for me.. anyway, he was supposed to have left for the military.. and he basically left without saying goodbye... but an old injury flared up and he got sent back for a bit until it healed.. and i went up to pick up some of my stuff and he sooo eagerly invited himself along with a friend and me to lunch and we hung for hours and he was so sweet and it was awesome... and then he was gone again.. and it just felt like he took part of me with him... i cried a bit, for sure...

*sigh*

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August 16th, 2010
04:49 pm

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I feel so much better now that you're gone forever...
oh man oh man!! girls weekened is JUST what the doctor ordered. going out of town.. staying in a hotel.. going to eat.. shopping.. swimming. CAN'T WAIT!!!

on a bum note, i'll prolly see one of the ex bastard's to pick up some stuff he has of mine. ughhh. jerk wouldn't return it all himself.. i may let him keep it. or send it through his family somehow. hm...

i just can't can't wait to get away. it'll be so nice. wish it were for longer, but i'll take what i can get. xD

my car broke earlier.. ran COMPLETELY out of gas.. and carol just was freaking out on the way home [i made her come follow me as far as my car would make it]. she just wouldn't listen.. pissed me off. whatever.. i eventually got her to listen and it mostly worked out.. i think she may have had a panic attack, though. geez.

i feel alright at the moment.. kind of numb. it's nice.. i think i'm too hungry to be upset about anything.. all my car drama happened on my lunch break.. i've eaten a snack bag of chips and two crackers.. it's as filling as it sounds... :/

work is over now! woohoo!! :D

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August 11th, 2010
04:46 pm

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I'm hoping we can make some wishes out of airplanes...
how can work be crazy slow one day and nonstop the next?! it's insane!!!

going to dinner tonight with the two besties. love them. and after we're gonna have a prayer party/Bible study thing. i'm pretty pumped. "as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." i really have come to understand that lately. awesome!

i have this overwhelming desire to talk to david.. i don't get it. he's a jerk. lyin/cheating.. manipulating.. only after sex.. giant jerk!! and i want to talk to him. what's wrong with me?

it was amazing.. i was so stuck on d.. then mo comes out of nowhere.. and i genuinely care about mo.. but i've still got so much hurt from david, that now that mo's gone, david's back to the forefront of my thoughts... it was like mo filled me up so i had no room to hurt for d... now i'm alone and full of pain from both..

i want someone else to come out of nowhere and not suck. not try to get in my pants.. just treat me like a princess... i treat guys like kings.. i just don't wanna be hurt anymore. geez...

so whiney.. oh well, that's why i have this thing. to stay the things i can't anywhere else.

i wish inception were not just a movie, but real life!! that would be so epic!!! :D

now a survey...


Are you ready for some questions that you barely find in other surveys?
lol, they alll say that

Who are you constantly with?
rach and esther mostly.. lately.

How much money did you spend today?
none, yet

Have you ever wasted too much time on a boy/girl?
yeah!

Is your best friend a slut?
nope

Who do you blame for your bad mood today?
i'm not in a bad mood.

In the past two weeks have you hugged someone you have/had feelings for?
nope.. i haven't seen the guy in more than a month now. he did chat with me a bit earlier.. aren't i so lucky?*rolls eyes*

Kissed?
yeah.. repeat the answer to the last question

Truth or Dare always turns sexual, doesn't it?
dunno, i don't play it. too scared. lol.

Do you wish someone would show up at your front door right now?
well, i'm at work.. i wish some dashing young coworker would come sweep me off my feet. :p the old married guys are the only ones who flirt with me. hah

Do you want any children?
sure

When was the last time you saw someone attractive?
few days ago

Have you ever liked someone that was in a relationship?
usually. lol.

If you had to dye your hair another color, what would it be?
i wouldn't. i have naturally red hair.. not messing that up. :p

Think of the last person you kissed, why'd you kiss them?
cause kissing's nice and i have feelings for them

Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months?
nope... unless someone comes around and rocks my world or something and heals the damage done by all these other douche bags. :p

Are you excited for anything?
tonight!!

What time did you wake up this morning?
7:05

Who's the last person you had a phone conversation with?
rach

Who is someone you wish you could fix things with?
mo

Are you a jealous person?
i can be

Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater?
...my first answer is fly.. as usual.. but now i'm quite infatuated with the latter.. so, both.

Think of the last person who hurt you the most, do you forgive them?
people don't hurt you emotionally unless you give them the power to.. thus the blame doesn't solely fall on him. of course i forgive him.

What are you doing tomorrow?
working

What about this weekend?
don't know yet. depends on the weather

Are you wearing anything that doesn't belong to you?
nope.. it's all mine.

Do you like to hold hands?
it's nice, yes

Will this weekend be a good one?
again.. depends on the weather

Where would I have found you last night at 10PM?
in bed, actually.. i took a long nap. lol

What's better, amazing eyes or amazing smile?
i've never seen non-amazing eyes.. so i'll say smile. hah

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
uh.. maybe. but not like a gross public one.. that's pretty sketch

Is heartbreak really as bad as it sounds?
worse

Do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone in just 2 weeks?
i think love is a lot a decision.. mixed with attraction.. and just liking them. so yeah, it is

Has 2010 been good for you so far?
uh.. yes and no. so it is with life.

If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?
.. i don't know

Your last incoming call is from the opposite sex, right?
nope.

Reason for the last tear shed?
God is awesome

When?
sunday

Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
i don't think so

When was the last time you flew in a plane?
when i was like 4

Could you handle living with the last person that kissed you?
no.. we're not married and we're not going to be. so yeah

Can you last in a relationship for over a year?
i can..

Someone leaves a note and flowers on your car, cute or tacky?
cute

Is there a member of the opposite sex that makes you cry a lot?
no. i can't cry easily.. and they don't make me cry anyway

How tall is the last person that kissed you?
5 10, i think

Are all of your best friends virgins?
nope

Does anyone have a heart after their name in your phone?
haha, molly used to.. but i changed it.. dunno why. lol

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
i dated a guy for like 3 years

What color are your eyes?
bluey greeny

Few close friends or many acquaintances?
the former

How's your heart lately?
i have a pulse.. so it's beating

Are you afraid of falling in love?
i'm afraid of indecisive jerks

What's something you do when you're mad?
there's no one thing i do.. it all depends.

Do you have an older brother?
no. i wish

Do you get drunk every weekend?
never

When was the last time you were pretty upset?
yesterday.

Last place you went other than your house?
uh.. grace's house.

When is the next time you will go to a big city? What one?
maybe this weekend. i'm thinking pc.. dunno

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03:38 pm

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Writer's Block: Step right up!
What kind of act would you want to perform if you joined the circus?

a contortionist!! they're crazy!! and they do all kinds of things. stacky things and ribbony things and pyramids and.. they're insane! :D

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August 10th, 2010
02:54 pm

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It's too easy just to fall apart...

oh my, livejournal.. it's been a while!

i remember why i started this thing.. to whine and enjoy the anonimity of it all...

i guess it bored me. but here i am again..

and i return with more hurts.. lol. but i've learned alot.... i'll speak to you with the detail i don't dare give anyone else..

sex screws everything up. it rips your heart to bits.. and then it opens the door.. so the next person you meet.. you just end up jumping right into things.. i don't want to be like that, though.. i was a little too late on that realization, though... i already jumped into things with a guy.. and it's ended badly.. and now i'm twice as hurt as i was before... but wiser. i have some hope for myself and the future... maybe..

a survey or two? sure!

Would you rather have a chocolate or strawberry cake for your birthday?
at the moment.. strawberry

Do you hit electronics when they don't work?
sometimes. haha

Is your radiator on right now?
huh?

Do you dislike any certain group of people?
kind of, i guess.

Have you ever bought anything you really wanted, only to never use it?
lol. definitely

Do you like reading or playing video games more?
reading, easily

What's your favourite place to go for a drink?
don't drink. :p

What colour are your jeans?
 i'm not wearing jeans

Have you ever been on those vanity groups on MySpace?
i don't even know what you're talking about, so i guess not

Which celebrity would you love to be friends with?
i'd love to just marry joseph gordan-levitt. :D

What's your favourite holiday?
something with good food

Are you scared of fireworks?
i LOVE them

Do you hate loud people?
definitely not a fan

What about people who speak really loudly on their phones in buses?
i don't ride buses.. i don't like that anywhere, though

What was the last flier someone gave you for?
retirement or something

Do movies / books inspire you to change your life in any way?
sometimes

Do you read movie quotes even when you haven't seen the movie?
no.

What are you most excited for right now?
just getting off work

Have you bought a water pistol for Summer?
lol, no

Do you get embarrassed when the buzzer at the airport goes off on you?
i don't go in airports so i don't know what you're talking about

What does your favourite bag look like?
i don't know, i haven't seen it yet

Do you customize your possessions?
no

When was the last time you thought 'My family is crazy o.o'?
 uh, often

What does your last received text message say?
"thank you for the prayers"

Do you like drawing all over people / their belongings?
nope

What's a smell that makes you feel ill?
fish

When was the last time someone told you they loved you?
earlier

Do you get lonely easily?
no

Do you read Texts From Last Night?
sometimes

What advertisement is showing on your screen right now?
something for a game

Do you wear baseball caps backwards?
no

What was the last thing you ate?
chips

Is there any talent you would love to have?
dancing

Have you ever deliberately tripped someone up?
not like so they'd fall.. just stumble, but yes

Do you constantly hate the majority of people?
i don't like people in general

Do you like etch-a-sketchs?
who doesn't? lol.

Do you have any boxsets for TV shows?
no

What were you doing an hour ago?
 this type of thing.. being nothing

When did you get up today?
7:05

 

i'll be back soon, livejournal... am i crazy for talking to you? oh well..

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January 7th, 2010
12:00 am

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Writer's Block: Love is deaf
Could you spend the rest of your life with someone who had horrific taste in music? How important is it to you to share your love of music with a good friend or romantic partner?

lol. are you kidding? taste in music is like... one of the last things i'd care about when it came to spending the rest of my life with someone. my ex and i had some different tastes... but neither of us were snobs... so we'd take turns in the car.. it ended with me liking a lot more of his music and him liking mine. that's compromise.. that's life

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November 3rd, 2009
07:55 pm

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Writer's Block: Last supper
If you had one night left to live, what would you do? Would you prefer to spend your final night with a loved one or alone? What would you choose for your last meal?

i'd marry my boyfriend... and we'd do.. married people stuff... :]

but before we got married... we'd open a buffet with all of my favorite foods and that would be my last meal. :p

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November 2nd, 2009
10:39 pm

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Writer's Block: Relive in the moment
If you could relive one hour of your life so far, what would you choose and why? Would you do or say anything different? How do you think it would change your life?

saturday october 10th... 2-3pm.

it was perfect.. and fun.. and i wouldn't change a thing.. i'd just like to be there again... doing anything different wouldn't affect how things are now..

there's prolly a much better time i could have and should have chosen.. but i have a jalapeno pepper for a heart... so i'm just feeling the burn..

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